Admitting When You’re Wrong
June 13th, 2011
It’s been said it takes a big man to admit he’s wrong. I say it’s a pretty small individual who can’t. I mean think about, is there really anyone on the planet who is never wrong? Is there anyone who isn’t wrong at least once a day? So what’s the big deal? Why not admit it? Does the fact that you can’t suggest something about your character? I think it does.
The really unfortunate thing is that it seems like those who are the worst at admitting when they’re wrong are those in positions of authority. We see it in politics all the time. Whenever there’s a problem in government it’s never my fault. “It’s the other party’s fault. It’s the fault of my predecessor. It’s the press’s fault. Somebody hacked my Twitter account. The dog ate my homework.”
Sadly some pastors are guilty of this as well. They become real adept at splitting hairs and parsing words. “Oh, I never said that. You misunderstood. Oh, I never did that. My motives were completely honorable.” After a while they become masters of political spin. And the really troubling part is that you find yourself mindlessly swallowing whatever it is they’re trying to feed you, because you don’t really want to think badly of a pastor.
Parents are sometimes guilty of not admitting they’re wrong. Like so many others in authority, the danger of such an admission might make you appear weak. Some parents make excuses for their children. Admitting that my child has a behavioral problem is a reflection on me as a parent. So we blame the school or the organization, or we blame the other children or the other children’s parents, or we blame the circumstance or the environment or a thousand other things rather than admitting that my child is in the wrong. We dodge the bullet. We fix the blame. We deflect culpability all in an effort to save face. But in the end what are we teaching our children?
In 1 Samuel chapter 12 God had appointed Saul to be king over Israel. Now that Saul was firmly established as Israel’s leader, this was Samuel’s cue to pass the baton and bow out of the forefront. Samuel was old and had served the Lord faithfully since his youth. He uses the occasion of Saul’s coronation to give his farewell address. In his opening remarks he challenges the people to give testimony against him for any wrong doing that he may have done throughout the course of his ministry. “Testify against me and I will restore it to you,” he says. Samuel was willing to admit to any wrong doing and to right any wrong he may have committed. How refreshing is that in a leader?
But then in the next chapter we find King Saul doing exactly the opposite. With the Philistine army mustering for battle and Israel’s forces dwindling out of fear, Saul had been instructed to wait seven days for Samuel to arrive to offer a sacrifice on behalf of the people. Out manned and out gunned, Saul grew impatient and decided to offer the sacrifice himself. Of course, as everyone knew, this was simply not done. The king was not permitted to offer sacrifices.
As soon as he had finished making the sacrifice, low and behold, who should appear but Samuel. “What have you done?” he asks. Oops! But rather than admit wrong doing, what does Saul do? He makes excuses. First he plays the “I’m okay, you’re okay” game by going out to greet Samuel as if there was nothing wrong. Then he plays the blame game. He blames the people, “The people were scattering from me.” He blames Samuel, “You did not come.” He blames the circumstances, “The Philistines were coming.” He feigns spirituality, “I had not sought the favor of the Lord.” And he feigns good intentions, “I forced myself and offered the burnt offering.”
I think there’s a glaring conclusion that must be drawn when it comes to a person’s inability to admit when he’s in the wrong. And this goes way deeper than simply determining how big a man you are. This is a matter of character. This is about integrity. This is about honesty. Because when it’s all said and done, a person who can’t admit when he’s wrong is a person who’s being intellectually dishonest. And the sad thing is that this is a problem that usually only gets worse. The more habitual the excuses, the more brazen the lies. A person who won’t admit when he’s wrong is a person who can’t be trusted.
It’s a hard thing to admit when we’re wrong. Obviously Saul is a worst case scenario. Not everyone who struggles with this issue is as morally bankrupt as he was. But it should at least give us all pause to stop from time to time and make an honest assessment of our own shortcomings and, rather than make excuses and deflect blame, ask God for His forgiveness and strength to overcome. And then go out and make amends for any wrongs we may have committed.
“Lord, help me see myself the way you see me. Please give me the strength to resist the temptation to make excuses. Help me have the courage to accept the truth about my many weaknesses and deficiencies and the strength to overcome them and make things right.”
