Why Men Are Never Depressed
April 11th, 2008
Men Are Just Happier People – What do you expect from such simple creatures?
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can be President.
* You can never be pregnant.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* The world is your urinal.
* You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
* You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Same work, more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
* The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
* New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* One mood all the time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
* You know stuff about tanks.
* A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
* Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original color.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* You only have to shave your face and neck.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* Your belly usually hides your big hips.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
* You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
* You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:25 am
Good list, BUT…
THIS and THIS could alter the list slightly…
April 14th, 2008 at 1:35 am
Hmm, noticed that Byron passed me in number of comments, so I guess I’ll offer some more thoughts on this list.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:35 am
Oh, I hit submit before I added any thoughts.
Darn….
April 14th, 2008 at 1:35 am
Oops, did it again.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:37 am
“The garage is all yours.”
Course, if your double-wide ain’t got a garage, this one don’t matter…
April 14th, 2008 at 1:39 am
“You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.”
Maybe not ‘icky’, but when some moron has pooped all over the seat and floor, it’s time to drive to the next gas station; I’ll tell you what….
April 14th, 2008 at 1:40 am
“You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.”
Unless your name is Byron…
or Byronita…
April 14th, 2008 at 1:41 am
“A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.”
If you turn your drawers inside out, you can get a 10 day vaction out of that one suitcase…
April 14th, 2008 at 1:44 am
“Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack”
If you buy ‘em second-hand at the Thrift Store, you can get a 3-pack for $2.97
April 14th, 2008 at 1:45 am
“You can open all your own jars.”
Again, unless your name is Byron, then you have to call your daughter to open the jar for ya….
April 14th, 2008 at 1:48 am
“The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.”
Unless your name is Byron and your vanishing hairline is constantly changing your hair style…
April 14th, 2008 at 1:52 am
“You can play with toys all your life.”
While many of us have moved on to ‘bigger’ and ‘better’ toys, a certain resister of kool-aid still likes to break out the easy bake oven and have tea parties with his Ken and Barbie dolls (even if he tries to call them ‘life story action figures’…
April 14th, 2008 at 2:00 am
Well, ran out of thoughts on the list
April 14th, 2008 at 2:01 am
But still need a few more posts to pass Byron
April 14th, 2008 at 2:02 am
It’s amazing what you can accomplish at 3 in the morning while waiting for a new site to fully upload to the server
April 14th, 2008 at 2:02 am
It gives one a lot of time to pursue other worthwhile endeavors
April 14th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Tonight you were my worthwhile endeavor
April 14th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Are you honored?
April 14th, 2008 at 2:04 am
You should be…
Because, ya know what I have the power to do…
April 14th, 2008 at 2:05 am
…not that I ever WOULD….
but I COULD….
April 14th, 2008 at 2:05 am
…give your site a ‘pretty’ new look….
April 14th, 2008 at 2:06 am
doggone it…
just when I was getting in a ‘zone’, the site I’m working on finished uploading…
April 14th, 2008 at 2:08 am
Time to go back to work.
At least now you know why your email inbox has all those “New Comment” notifications in it…
April 14th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Yes, Paul, it has certainly been an honor. I guess what goes around comes around.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Now, the title of the post should be, “Why Men are Never Depressed, and Why Paul Oyler Needs a Life”.